When I first started my autoimmune healing journey, there was nothing I wanted more than to feel better. In October 2013, I was suffering from a lupus flare, stomach ulcer, inflamed hiatal hernia, pockets of inflammation throughout my intestines and colon, various psoriatic rashes and lesions, joint pain, hair loss, mouth ulcers and gum bleeding, weight gain from prednisone, and an uptick in my vitiligo symptoms, which caused it to spread to my face. I was completely miserable.
Almost two years later, I am happy to have reached remission in my lupus, vitiligo and psoriasis symptoms. My latest blood test have revealed exceptional improvement in my inflammation markers. I have no active rashes or lesions. All of my IBD and gastrointestinal issues have been resolved. I have discovered many of my triggers, and have learned how to cope with them in a more effective way. So then, why am I not screaming about my great news over every mountaintop?
I feel guilty.
If anyone would have told me, when I first began this journey, that I would feel guilt for getting better, I would have said they were nuts. But, here I am, all better, feeling bad that I’m healthy, while so many others are still suffering. It’s like I feel as though I don’t want to shove it in people’s faces. Even though I put in the work and sacrifice over the last two years, and I know I deserve to feel better because of it, I just feel bad for those who are still experiencing flares.
Honestly, I’m not sure if anyone else has ever felt this way. Most people are quick to shout out about their healing triumphs, especially in the autoimmune community. But, I’m sure I can’t be the only one that’s ever felt this way. The feeling is so great, it’s affecting my sleep. Every night, I have dreams, which feel like I’m awake, of my symptoms returning. I feel everything from severe joint pain to nausea, migraines, itching and sore throat. As I sleep, I feel like I’m suffering. Then, when I wake, I’m perfectly fine! I have no pain, no nausea, no anything! Weird, right?
So, that’s why I’m coming clean today. This is my mountaintop to shout it from. I AM IN REMISSION!
Hopefully, I can get some sleep tonight……without painful dreams!
Over the weekend, I will be changing some of the pages on my blog to reflect my new status. I encourage any of you who have not been with me from the beginning to check out some of the older posts I’ve written. I’ve actually written about many of the struggles of living on the AIP. I still do maintain a mostly AIP with reintroductions diet because of my various food allergies. Many of those I’ve had for years. They’re not going anywhere. Here are a few of my favorite posts:
Also, let’s not forget how I got here. I don’t believe I could have ever healed without The Paleo Approach. Had I not followed the diet and lifestyle changes outlined in this protocol by Dr. Sarah Ballantyne, I would not have been able to put my autoimmunity into remission.
I’m also thankful to all of The Paleo Approach Approved autoimmune bloggers and authors who have provided such wonderful resources and recipes to help me heal. You can find all of them here: Autoimmune Bloggers & Sites.
Here are a few of my favorite resources and cookbooks:
Know that I’m praying for all of y’all who are still suffering. I sincerely hope you all, one day, feel as good as I do right now. I know the journey is long and hard. Even I had doubts throughout these two years. But, now I feel as though all things are possible. I’ll be right here, to help get you there too!
As always, I wish you all good health……..and, good food!
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